Another Brick In The Wall

After another hard day in the garden, I struggle up the staircase into the study to find Alex at the computer. "What are you looking for?" I ask.
"Hardcore" he calls.
Building is that surreal world in which such a response is met with a congratulatory nod and suggestion that he "looks for something cheap", rather than the resounding slap and flounce which it would illicit in any other context.
Alex and I have begun the bricklaying. We have nailed this process down to a honed and efficient model of productivity. I will outline this here:
Alex mixes the mortar. This consists of creating billowing clouds of cement and sand which sail over the fence and instantaneously coat all neighbours' washing within a .5 mile radius. This is best done on a day when they are washing white clothes. Any mixture left after this process is poured into a bucket and mixed with a drill. However, it would appear that Alex has discovered a more effective way of mixing which entails the bucket staying put and him twirling round and round it making buzzing noises. The ensuing mixture can have a range of textures ranging from water to marble via superglue. I did suggest, tentatively, a week ago that there might be a set formula for getting it right. However, this was shunned and I was exiled from the garden covered in dust.
My role in all this is to then lay the bricks. I happily volunteered for this,scoffing "How hard can it be to stick bricks together?....I know my lego!" This was before I was informed that a spirit level and several tonnes of patience would also be required. In actual fact, each brick must be painstakingly levelled, length, breadth, height with the brick next to it. When working with marble mixture, this can be a quick and pain-free process. Bob the Builder eat your heart out. However, when presented with superglue or water, the course of events goes thus: Set brick. Brick appears level. Make tiny adjustment. Brick upends. Jade flounces off to the bottom of the garden and accidentally kicks entire wall.
  Consequently our progress has been slow. The air is filled with expletives and dust and many scuffed shins as I fall A over T over the wall. After 2 weeks of such proceedings we have now completed the layers of brick below the damp-course and the project is beginning to look more like an extension than a crisis. I leave you now to resume my duties. Mocking Alex as he whirls like a dervish and promptly falls into a bucket.